The Allegedly Files

• 28:59File 5397 · Oct 17, 2026The Devil's Bible (Codex Gigas)In 1697 a burning castle in Stockholm threw a 165-pound book out of a window. Written by one hand in a monastery that no longer exists, it holds the Bible, a list of the dead, a page of spells, a full-page portrait of the Devil, and a seventh-century encyclopedia chapter on the dog-headed men, the Cyclopes and the headless Blemmyae. Its first page is missing.

• 20:21File 1183 · Oct 10, 2026The Giants in the Mounds

A field guide to the creatures people swear they saw. The record, with sources, kept separate from our opinion of it.

• The Dover DemonDover, Massachusetts · 1977A small, hairless creature with an oversized, melon-shaped head and long thin limbs, reported three times over two nights in Dover, Massachusetts, in April 1977.
• The Flatwoods MonsterFlatwoods, West Virginia · 1952A ten-foot figure with a spade-shaped hood, reported on a hilltop farm in Flatwoods, West Virginia, on the evening of September 12, 1952, after a bright light was seen coming down from the sky.
• The Fresno NightcrawlerFresno, California · 2007Pale, walking figures that appear to be almost entirely a pair of legs, caught on home security camera footage in Fresno, California, in the 2000s.
• The Grafton MonsterGrafton, West Virginia · 1964A seven-to-nine-foot white figure with no visible head, reported on the riverbank in Grafton, West Virginia, in June 1964 by a local newspaper reporter driving home late at night.

• Head runs large. Shirt runs fine.

  I am mostly head and the rest of me is mostly ankle. The small still hangs like a nightgown. I've decided I like it. A teenager saw me in it and drew it. Accurately, for once.

• Finally, something that fits over the hood.

  Ten feet tall, spade-shaped cowl, metal skirt. Sizing has been a lifelong struggle. The 3XL went on with room to spare. I wore it back to the hill where I landed and for once nobody ran.

• Fits great. Nowhere to put it.

  I am, as the security footage shows, entirely legs. I bought the tee anyway and wear it as a sort of cape. People on my street have stopped filming me and started asking where I got it.

• No notes on the collar.

  Nine feet tall, pale, and without a head. The collar is therefore a non-issue. The fabric is heavy, which I appreciate on the riverbank at night.

• Bought eleven. We are a family.

  Last time we visited a farmhouse in Kentucky it went badly for everyone. This time we used the website. Every one of us is a medium. Every one of us floats. No complaints.

• Finally, a brand that respects the Treaty.

  Nobody owns the continent. Nobody mines it. Nobody asks. I swim under all of it in this shirt and I have never felt more represented.